Raising Children

I was thinking about how when I was younger I let people push me around and manipulate me. I always had trouble making choices, and choices in my family were always made for me without giving me much freedom. Not to say that I had a horrible childhood, but my personality tends toward perfectionism and legalism in many respects. I was discussing this with the husband and we really want to give our child freedoms while teaching him to love the Lord and have obedience at the same time. A lot of people in and out of the church have used the book Babywise by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. They claimed it was the best book and that their child slept through the night by 6 weeks and the book helped get their children on the right track. I wanted my child to sleep, but I also know that I lean toward legalism and thought that I didn't need to read the book for fear that I would hyperschedule my poor child.

So, I read multiple books on sleep but became frustrated when my child had acid reflux and never slept, but instead just cried all the time. I started to feel like a bad mom because I couldn't stand to hear my baby cry it out and get him on a schedule. When he was sleeping I let him sleep just because I needed some quiet and a time to nap myself. Every time I mentioned this another person either mentioned this book or gave it to me or my husband. (We have 3 copies if someone wants one...our dentist even gave us a copy). I was suspicious of this book after I read for several reasons.
First the author seemed to set himself up as the one who has medical knowledge and background. He quoted some of the books I have read, but didn't get all of the facts in. For instance, one book says that it is very difficult and the child usually isn't ready for sleep training until 6-12 weeks.
Second, it sets up 2 case scenarios of the "good child" who is the babywise child and the "bad child" who is the non babywise child. The book is black and white and doesn't seem to give parents much flexibility.
Third: I am a highly suspicious person and had heard that Ezzo was estranged from his own children and that he had been publicly disciplined by the church where he started Growing Kids Gods Way that turned into the secular material of Babywise. I just have a hard time believing that if it isn't his way it isn't Gods way, but I digress.

After reading the book I decided to do a bit of research. I went on this site to find out more about the material. I also went to several blogs about people who were really entrenched in the Babywise philosophy and blogged about their journey into the philosophy and then back out again. On one of those blogs, this post really hit home with me. It is about how they made every choice for their son, how he learned that it was morally wrong to make a choice, and how his parents had to retrain him when he was older. It humbled me and helped me realize that perhaps God gave me this fussy baby to work in my life. I am not a person to naturally show grace to another person and my little one desperately needs grace. I want my son to be strong in character and make good choices, but also have the freedom to make mistakes. I know that he needs boundaries, but I need to also let him be who he is created to be. God gives me so much grace and yet I am still like a little child that screams at him when something isn't going my way. I want to do my own thing; yet he blesses me beyond what I could ask. It has been a humbling 14 weeks, but I am sure that it won't be the last time I am humbled while raising my son.