To Give or Not to Give

There are two circumstances where I find it hard to say no.

1. Saying no to co-workers when they ask one to chip in for an office gift even though we've already planned on doing something less expensive. (This is really hard when you are a PT that has a million and one co-workers.)

2. Saying no to family when they ask you to chip in on a more expensive gift for someone who would be ecstatic over the more expensive gift.

The second scenario happened to us this morning. We planned a cheaper Father's Day gift and the rest of the family wants to chip in for a much more expensive electronic gadget. The plastic plate with our one-year-old's hand print is going to look pretty cheap in comparison, but we are not succumbing to the guilt.

My guilt factor increases when either of the above scenarios happen. Before I was married I would pull out the old wallet and give whatever amount they asked for. Now, I don't.

Here is what I'm learning. (It came as a bit of a shock to my system when I discovered this):
People view and spend money differently than me. We all make choices and I am not a bad person for saying no.

How did I reach that conclusion? The husband and I decided that we wanted to stay out of debt. Before we were married the husband had to take out cost-of-living loans for his first year of law school. After we were married we did not take out any more loans. We rented an apartment in the ghetto for his summer internship, we didn't go out to eat at nicer places every week, we packed our lunches for work and school, we made a lot of coffee at home instead of going out for it, and I didn't buy clothes that weren't on sale (well, most of the time, but we budgeted for them.) Then after law school we lived in a less-than-desirable apartment while I was pregnant and worked full time so that the baby could be born in a debt-free world.

I would like to have a bigger car, an SUV or even a minivan. I would like to go out and spend money on clothes without having to save up my blow money for weeks. I would like to give away expensive gifts and help people with things they otherwise couldn't afford for all the minor holidays.

Except that I like not being in debt more. No wait, I LOVE not being in debt.

I love staying home with my boy, having the option to work or not to work, not worrying about how we are going to pay the credit card bills, and not worrying that we can't afford a house.

So now when someone asks me I might feel guilty, but that doesn't keep me from saying no. Whew. I feel better about not chipping in for everyone's Father's Day gifts. Thanks.