Emotions

I am going through post-partum depression and seeing a wonderful christian counselor to help speed the process of getting back to normal. I love my counselor. (Everyone should go see her. I have a firm belief that everyone is just a bit neurotic in some way. Maybe this is just to make me feel better, but I am going to hold firm to this belief.) She is helping me deal with all my emotions. On my personality test, I scored very low on the communication side and high on the hostile side. Meaning I have a lot of opinions, but am unable to express them all and that makes me hostile. Don't worry, I am working on the hostility by trying to analyze and express my emotions in a healthy way (i.e. this blog). Each event in my everyday life is helping.

Event 1: The night of the bugs
As a previous post mentioned the air in our apartment isn't the best. (That makes me mad at the apartment and weather) We are packing up and staying at my parents where it is nice and cool. This makes me happy. I was feeling guilty about leaving our sweet cats alone so we decided to stay one night at the apartment. We all arrive at home and I start our routine: feed the baby,wash the baby, swaddle the baby, reason with the baby until he falls peacefully asleep. What happens in real life is that I feed the baby, he cries because he is so tired and my emotions turn sad. He is so upset that I give him a nice relaxing bath. That night he and I both hated the bath, but enjoyed the lotion and massage. We then head into the living room and as the husband entered the apartment so did around 100 bugs that promptly stationed themselves on our ceiling. This made me mad that these bugs felt they were welcome. The husband then suggested that we head back to the parents house while he debugged the place. I thought this was reasonable. ( note: chasing the bugs made the cats happy.)

Event 2: The Missing Contact
Having a baby made me realize how much lasik would enhance my happiness. If I had lasik I wouldn't have to blindly grab for my glasses or contacts when I get up with the baby at night. That night I didn't have my glasses (having left them to the mercy of the bugs) so I quickly put in my contacts and fed the baby. This made me really cranky. I don't really remember taking them out, but in the morning I could only find one contact. This made me mad at myself and sad for my missing contact at the same time. The combination led to great frustration. I communicated my feelings to the husband and seeing my great frustration he went home and faced the bugs to get my back up contacts. It was weird to only see out of one eye for the morning, but it all worked out in the end.

As each event happens I am going to try to keep processing. Maybe the move will help me learn a great deal. That makes me happy. I feel the hostility subsiding already.