Survival Mom

When reading baby books one might think there are only two main camps of moms. On one side is the "scheduler" mom, and on the other, the "attached" mom. After becoming a mom myself I realize there are many moms that fall in between these two camps. Not only that, there are moms like me out there. I fondly refer to us as "survival moms" or moms who have survived colicky babies. You can recognize one going through it if you look closely. Someone who is sleep-deprived, looking for answers, trying anything, not showing up to things because the baby is still crying,very insecure in why one became a parent, scared to have more children, and if you look deeper you might even find a bit of anger toward God. Or maybe that was just me.

You see, the first 5 months of my (so-far) only child's life was sheer terror. He was colicky and cried hours on end every day and some nights. I had moms on both sides of the spectrum and everywhere in between give me advice. I only remember some of it. I get discouraged when I remember the ones that approached me with what seemed to be an attitude of "you just aren't parenting right," but I also was encouraged by the ones that just came along side of me and said, "I've been there, it passes, and you will feel like you are going to live again."

While in the midst of this terror I moved to a new city. I was angry, resentful of others' perfect children, and scared of any more "advice," but also knew I needed other moms in my life. So, I swallowed some fear and went to a moms group all the while thinking I wasn't going to get anything "spiritual" out of it, but earnestly longing for fellowship with understanding moms. Today I realized that God indeed can teach me things no matter where He puts me.

Let me rephrase that. Today I learned yet again that God always puts you where He knows you need to be and teaches you what you need to learn.

This morning in my moms' group we discussed the first chapter of the book "Sacred Parenting" by Gary Thomas. As I was reading the first chapter of the book this morning (like I said, I wasn't exactly hopeful that I would learn something through a book) God caught my attention. He challenged me with the question, "Why have children?" and then allowed me to see why I was so angry with Him.

You see, these past 9 months no matter where or what my child is doing I have felt like I need the title "Worst Mom in the Whole World." Except that it really isn't about me. It is about God getting the glory. Before, I was reading all the books that said if you do A, B, & C, you will show the world that you are a good parent and you will not fail. Then God put me in the position where I had no control and felt like a failure--our little boy was not responding to A, B, C, or any combination of the above. Instead of figuring out the Secret Code for Perfect Baby Results Every Time, I now understand God wants me to realize that this parenting thing is a process, that parenting and family "challenge us to the very root of our being," and that Christian parenting "invites us parents to purify ourselves, to use the process of raising kids to perfect holiness, and to do this consistently, every day, out of reverence for God." Today God opened up a door to my selfishness and asked me to parent in reverence to Him not only because He commanded it, but because this is the path that He chose for me with the promise that He will always be there to help me to be more than just a survival mom. Because after all isn't it all about Him?