While I was growing up, my family and I would visit my grandparents' farm. I have so many stories about our time on the farm.
When I was in junior high my female cousins and I buried papaw's slippers. Now this wasn't just a prank. We were irritated at him. You see, my Papaw always made the girls clean up after meals, but he never made the boys. To add insult to injury he paid the boys to work in the fields with him, but never paid us for the work we did in the house. Now, because he hated it anytime his slippers weren't in his certain appointed place, we hid them.
These particular grandparents were from the era where the woman was doing very important work managing the home, but her contribution tended to be undervalued. Most of my memories are of my Granny cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner and my Papaw shaking the ice in his empty glass of tea without a word and my Granny filling up his glass. Looking back I realized that my Granny never complained. She would just do little passive aggressive things. She never really ate meals with us. As soon as everyone had what they needed she would scoot to the living room or den to read. I guess that I would do the same thing if I had her life. Then it hit me. I am like my Granny. I do little things to let people know that I am not happy.
I am not mis-treated or devalued by my husband yet I struggle with passive aggressive tendencies. I have a sensitivity when I feel like I am "doing women's work." Sometimes I feel as though certain household tasks I perform every day devalue me, when really they are just things that bless my family. I have no huge reason to feel this way. In fact I have a husband that cooks me breakfast every morning, gets up with me when the baby is crying, and cleans the bath tubs and house frequently. Why am I so defensive?
Looking at my family I realized that my granny is passive aggressive, my mom is passive aggressive, and I have a natural tendency to be passive aggressive. We all have the same reaction to life even though our life circumstances are dissimilar. I started to see a stronghold that goes back many generations.
As I was thinking about this stronghold and my defensive tendencies, a blueness entered my soul. Will my children struggle with the same thing because this is passed down through the generations? Oh, how I long to tear down this stronghold. As I got more time alone last week I gained a clearer picture on how God is at work to help me to tear down this stronghold piece by piece.
God brought me an understanding husband who does so much, which allows me to see small glimpses of just how much God truly loves me.
He brought me friends who encouraged me to think, read, and branch out of my comfort zone. With each new person I learn more about who He is and how I am to love others.
He has allowed circumstances in my life to sharpen me. With each hard time I feel His presence more fully and have a deeper trust in Him.
He has moved around the country numerous times. With each new place I learn to trust Him more fully.
This week I realized that not only is God allowing me to break this generational stronghold so that my children will be free, but that He is blessing me beyond measure.
What a comforting thought.
When I was in junior high my female cousins and I buried papaw's slippers. Now this wasn't just a prank. We were irritated at him. You see, my Papaw always made the girls clean up after meals, but he never made the boys. To add insult to injury he paid the boys to work in the fields with him, but never paid us for the work we did in the house. Now, because he hated it anytime his slippers weren't in his certain appointed place, we hid them.
Not only did we hide them, but we buried them in the fields.
This didn't make him happy.
Then he decided that he would let us work in the field and he would pay us. On the hottest day in August we put overalls on and pulled weeds. I hated it, but at least we got paid. My papaw thought it was funny and everyone in the family thought "we had learned our lesson." Maybe, but somehow this always bothered me.These particular grandparents were from the era where the woman was doing very important work managing the home, but her contribution tended to be undervalued. Most of my memories are of my Granny cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner and my Papaw shaking the ice in his empty glass of tea without a word and my Granny filling up his glass. Looking back I realized that my Granny never complained. She would just do little passive aggressive things. She never really ate meals with us. As soon as everyone had what they needed she would scoot to the living room or den to read. I guess that I would do the same thing if I had her life. Then it hit me. I am like my Granny. I do little things to let people know that I am not happy.
I am not mis-treated or devalued by my husband yet I struggle with passive aggressive tendencies. I have a sensitivity when I feel like I am "doing women's work." Sometimes I feel as though certain household tasks I perform every day devalue me, when really they are just things that bless my family. I have no huge reason to feel this way. In fact I have a husband that cooks me breakfast every morning, gets up with me when the baby is crying, and cleans the bath tubs and house frequently. Why am I so defensive?
Looking at my family I realized that my granny is passive aggressive, my mom is passive aggressive, and I have a natural tendency to be passive aggressive. We all have the same reaction to life even though our life circumstances are dissimilar. I started to see a stronghold that goes back many generations.
As I was thinking about this stronghold and my defensive tendencies, a blueness entered my soul. Will my children struggle with the same thing because this is passed down through the generations? Oh, how I long to tear down this stronghold. As I got more time alone last week I gained a clearer picture on how God is at work to help me to tear down this stronghold piece by piece.
God brought me an understanding husband who does so much, which allows me to see small glimpses of just how much God truly loves me.
He brought me friends who encouraged me to think, read, and branch out of my comfort zone. With each new person I learn more about who He is and how I am to love others.
He has allowed circumstances in my life to sharpen me. With each hard time I feel His presence more fully and have a deeper trust in Him.
He has moved around the country numerous times. With each new place I learn to trust Him more fully.
This week I realized that not only is God allowing me to break this generational stronghold so that my children will be free, but that He is blessing me beyond measure.
What a comforting thought.
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